Drive My Soul
by jc'amour
Summary: ONESHOT: Wanderer, a name that seemed to fit. Seemed to describe me ... until I found this place. Song-fic.


_Seems somebody put out the moon  
Now the road is a minefield  
I can't follow the way she moves  
I can't see past the shadows_

The night was silent, the darkness of the desert engulfing me in its shadows, but even with no sounds but the constant echo of my feet following the rhythmic pattern, I could feel her within me. My mind was burning with anger and fear – fear that she was still there. She was the constant shadow that followed me. She was not silent, but slowly tortured me with memories and emotions I had to endure. Faces – their faces – faces only she knew were engraved in my mind, and I could do nothing to stop them. All I could do was see the memories, her cherished scrapbook - a sense of determination writhing inside of me. She was controlling me? No, I was giving myself into her.

--

_You make the darkness disappear  
I feel found when you stay near  
I know where I am when you are here  
My way becomes so clear_

_Jared. Jamie._ Their names were a song on my lips. But, even if I was only a lowly creature, locking away the truth that hid behind my facade, I felt the love Melanie had. I could feel her heart beating erratically as her mind raced through the visions of a young boy within her arms and lips crashing upon hers. _Feeling. Emotion. _We were no longer lost, but found –or rather she was. I still didn't know where my soul went.

I was treated with anger, and ignorance... but ... but something here made me feel safe. Even as I wandered through the dark tunnels, hiding within their shadows, I felt ... comfort. Living on those eight different planets never gave me this sense of ... of ... longing. Light was faint in the dark corners of the cave, but staring upon that mirrored ceiling – there was still hope. Still light. And still a hand that reached out for me.

--

_When you're gone  
Will I lose control?  
You're the only road I know  
You show me where to go  
Who will drive my soul?_

Who was I? Was I Melanie? Or ... Wanderer? What was I? Soul ... or more human than I ever wanted? _Ian, Jared, Jamie, Jeb, Trudy, Lily, Wes, Kyle, Brandt, Sharon, Doc_ ... these faces – they reflected so much. Anger. Love. Hatred. Hope. Trust. Fear. What was I? I had taken the bodies of many others, all from different planets, all different species, but for once I didn't know what I was. This jigsaw puzzle won't accept me, and I just there, not fitting. At times I could unscramble all of this, but like always, my compass would spin crazily again—with no permanent direction. And in this dark world, I had become lost within my own self.

--

_Seems somebody burned out the signs  
I can't expect the hard curves  
There's no borders  
There are no lines  
How can I know where to turn?_

Her face, the only other one I had known, a piece of the life I had left only months ago, was staring straight at me. Her silver eyes were piercing into me. A reflection my own. Staring at her, my breaths felt like distant echoes. _What was I to do_? I could not let my new family die, but I could not destroy one of my own. This time there were no directions, no map, no steps as to what to do. I was alone on this. This was all me, all soul.

Here I was being thrown into the darkest abyss, wondering - choosing - whether to fall or fly.

Melanie had no memories to help me out in this. Here I was, forced to decide, forced to choose, forced to prove whether I still lived for my people ... or for the people whom I called family. Human or soul?

--

_You make the street lights reappear  
I feel bright when you stand near  
I know what I am when you are here  
My place becomes so clear_

I expected to never open my eyes to their faces again, to never feel emotions again. But here I was awakening to the light. Here I was. No longer two, but one instead. I no longer had her voice—a voice—in the back of my mind, no longer had her memories. I was Wanderer, I was Wanda. I was myself. Whether more human or more soul, I was here. I finally knew. After years of wandering, dancing around the depths of the universe, floating through the stars ... I finally knew. I was here, a place I belonged. And as these words danced across my tongue, forming a song and story of their own, I knew.

I was home.

--

_When you're gone  
Will I lose control?  
You're the only road I know  
You show me where to go  
Who will..._

I was no longer alone, no longer afraid. No longer scared. I would make my choices, and would forever know they were mine. I was not ashamed for giving into the forbidden temptation that I was forced to reject, for I did not lose control, I gained it. In controlling one's body, losing her within my brain, living a life that did not belong to me, I had learned to find myself. My life was no longer a game of facades and another name, this was real.

Questions no longer remained unanswered. 'Cause I knew. The only person needed to drive my soul, to drive myself was me. All along it would be and always would be me...someone I now knew.

_...drive my soul?_


End file.
